Bull Run's Battle

So as I was baking today, I realized that it resembles the history of racial tensions and integration, etc.
Think about it, first you add the eggs, sugars, and butters together in one bowl. Then in another bowl, you put together the (usually) white ingredients such as flour, baking powder/soda, salt and so on and so forth (and sometimes cinnamon or nutmeg.) As I was mixing the eggs with the rest of the wet ingredients I thought about it all.
I don't mean to defend myself in any way at all, but you know how white people are judged as those people that don't really know or understand other cultures/styles of life and that they live happily ever after because they are "pure." Bullshit! If anything, the white people are the most ostracized because many different peoples decide to find a common enemy and then history happens.
Well, the eggs wouldn't mix. Not until all of the dry ingredients were mixed in. I beat those eggs in as well as I thought I could, but they were still the little liquid chilling in the bowl separate from the other ingredients. And when I put the oats, flour, baking powder, etc. in, I had to mix for a long time. It's like... the first time you try to mix it all together it isn't going to work and you just have to wait longer. And when you try the batter, you can still taste all of the different ingredients, but put together they are so much better.

Can't anyone agree with me?

Excerpt from my Diary

Well, Friday morning is the day. My father leaves, and all three of us will be leaving this house for the last time (alltogether that is) at 4:45 am.

I could not bear going to bed the earlier night knowing that that would be the last time that I would see my father. I have to see him off. It's just a thing inside of me.

My dad finished (basically) packing today, which is great! He's not a big fan of packing... okay I'm just gonna be honest and say that he despises packing; it's just one of his enemies (then again, who enjoys packing, really...) so it's good that he got it done today. After all, he does only have two full days left in this household.
It's difficult to explain how I feel about my father leaving. I know it's the best thing for my mom, but I don't know... it would be nice to have a dad around. But I know my mother wouldn't be able to deal with it.
Don't get me wrong, they do love each other, but can love each other better at smaller doses. Say, four months?
So I know that is how it is going to be until I get into a college (if I ever DO get into a college), and I'll just have to bear with it for another 2 to 3 years.

And I know that about a month before my dad comes back from Argentina, my mom and I won't be able to stand each other. We will fight and scream and then my dad will come home and it will seem like everything has been solved.

A Letter to You

Dear Peacup,

I am starting to really dislike you. Ever since Blueberry came along, I'm just unimportant. I'm tired of your bullshit. We aren't a thing anymore. We hardly ever were. I wanted to try it out, but you hurt me... a lot.

I wanted us to be a thing... it seemed as though you did too. But I guess that was just your cover... Blueberry takes everyone away from me. You. Jesus. Who next? Fish? HA That would be a laugh. Let's see if she can.
I have so many secrets. I just can't hide them anymore.
You are starting to be unattractive. Sorry, but it's true. It makes me happy that you are no longer that perfect picture that I thought you were.
Now you and Blueberry are killing yourselves. It's stupid, ridiculous.

I can't believe I thought you could be the one.
But I guess now it's good that I didn't waste a LONG time with you. If I had, I would have gotten even more hurt.

So goodbye... and screw you.

-Mimi

That felt good-ish. I wish I could say more though...

Theatre Kids...

I'm pretty tired of this thing...

I'm just trying to not be one of those people who sticks only with their secluded group.
I want to integrate... within disciplines haha...

So... I've been hanging out with other people which is good. I miss my friends.

Yeee

Just got back from an amazing party! Got close to some people... it was hella chill...



Love all of you <3 <3 <3

My Momma

Well, it seems almost obvious that I should write an Ode to my mother...
But I am not in the mood haha so maybe I'll just explain my happiness...

I told her about Christ yesterday and she just... AHHH she just acted like a teenager and everything. She is so awesome!

Then I told her about this other guy today who (apparently) was flirting with me. By the way... she thinks he is AWESOME and she really wants me to like him and she thinks that he likes me...
She said that if he asked me out, then I should definitely say yes.

My mom is so cool. I'm glad I get to be so honest to her. She is basically almost my best friend. And I'm not even embarrassed.

Have to memorize a monologue tonight! That is my deadline... I gotta do it!

I LOVED...

The poem. Thanks. I really miss chillin' with you constantly... love you!

I should tell you the truth...

The real reason I have been distant with you lately is because I feel extremely awkward when you are with Q. It's like you guys have a special bond that I can't interfere... plus, I get the feeling that Q really dislikes me.
It's nothing personal, but I am not going to be excluded. You and Q are really great together... and I feel like I just don't fit into that little pair.

I wish I could tell you everything that is sprinting through my mind constantly and everyday... but then I would be one of those girls that is just sad and wants attention...

I wish you could know everything.

How Are You?

On the verge of just not going to school for the rest of the week... I guess I have to though. Italian. Can't skip it.

I have Mock Trial tomorrow.
I just need an escape.

Not that anyone cares very much.
Missing you, E.

Yesterday

Woke up, late as usual, moaned, ran into my clothes, fixed my face and hair, ran out the door into my mother's car, had an awkward ride with her, barely made it to english class, pulled a recitation of a poem out of my ass, got an A, avoided Trevor, heard a story from Kim about what Trevor said about me, called him a fucker about a million times, went to italian taught by my mother, went to the library with Dante and then the vending machines during Italian class (oops!), went back to italian, got very confused with all of the versions of "the"s, went to Chemistry, did a lab, did well, still have to finish it, went to theatre, ran a lot, left for Mock Trial, got there too early, went to Starbucks to read a play and waste time, accidentally sat next to a celebrity, watched three enormous groups of stupid adults acting like teenage girls pass by him and scream, decided to introduce myself and leave, went to Mock Trial, learned more stuff, got on the bus, saw some chick from my old school, didn't talk to her, finished the play I was reading, started reading chapter ten on the life of Frederick Douglass, didn't finish, went to my second bus stop, saw Cole, got insulted by Cole, told Cole to fuck off, got on the bus, got home, ate, watched Liar Liar, felt accomplished, worked on some reading, slept.

Just another day of my life.

Friends

Really good friendships are hard to find. I'm still unsure of who my real friends are and who I can talk to. So, whenever I think I can tell someone something, I always have to think about it a lot first. Some people just happen to be right by me when I have to confess something, so random people know little things about me and I don't even remember who I tell some things to. Like Juan Luis; I've told him stuff but I don't really know what I've told him. And some people are just acquaintances and they are with me when I am stressed so I tell them why I am stressed.
Things with Trevor are weird. I don't really see him around, though, so I don't have to worry all the time. But whenever we are near each other, we know what we are both thinking "uh, hi? I don't know if we're friends yet..." haha so we're still in that awkward phase.
Some people judge you when you are trying to make new friends. These people are not true friends. I've been trying to befriend Basics in theatre, but other Basics think I'm only befriending some for a certain reason. I don't know... it's all weird.
I get along much better with guys than I do with girls. Guys don't worry about everything, and if they do, they don't say it all of the time. Don't get me wrong, I love having my girly friends and I love them like crazy, but I am such a tomboy. Lately, though, I have been hanging out with girls more, just because a lot of boy stuff has been going on. I don't know... I miss my guy friends.
This blog has a lot of friendship stuff in it... I feel almost inclined to put a corny quote here:


Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things.