Nostalgia

The past few days have been quite difficult. I've gone the longest without talking to someone (only 5 days, which says something) yet I feel so sad. I don't feel bad for being dependent, I just miss the past and I miss what I was doing and where I was two months ago. I wish with all my heart that I could go back because I don't feel any of that here right now.

I keep on distracting myself with the future, but how can I think about the future if I can't even decide between two of the most important things in my life?
I feel so unprepared, and sad, and I just wish I could control my actions this year. But I can't for two reasons: 1.) I don't have the minor and 2.) I don't have the balls.

So now I guess I'll just be stuck here for a year... and maybe four more. Distracting myself with the future seems to remind me of the present, and my past is stuck here with me now. Thus, my distraction is actually being avoided.