This Burden

I'm burdened with this oversensitivity. I can't control my feelings but I can control who I tell issues to. All of lunch today, I went in and out of the social circle. I needed moments where I could silently cry. I needed a break. I still do. I still need a break from here. I want someone I can completely tell everything to.
I often find myself to be the "venting machine," the one everyone tells everything to and I love it. I love the fact that people fun to me for help because I want to help. I WANT to help.
But I need help, too, and no one seems to want to help me back. I want my friends to look at me and really genuinely wonder if I'm alright, wonder if I'll be okay, wonder if I'm really engaged in the conversation.

I'm not.

I'm sad. Ever since I cried that one day with Scotty, I've been sad, feeling heavy.

"I'm stuck in my own hell. I've already died, and there's no escape."