Up in Flames

I've figured up my need for things to simply go as bad as possible. If a terrible, horrible, unthinkable event takes place, I would have an excuse, a reason, to be how I am. I would have something to say rather than

"I don't know why I'm like this."

I wouldn't just have to say

"It's just how my body is."'

I want to be able to say that I am upset because this happened to me.